43 things quiz...

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a

Traveling Healthy Tree Hugger

my quarter-life crisis

so here i am. 25 years old. may 15 came. and went. i don't feel any different, but as i look back on the last year of my life... i am different. so different. i started going to a psychologist last year. my 24th birthday was my first visit. i had been told by someone that should have been my biggest advocate that i was messed up and therapy could "fix me". so i went to be fixed, and over the year, discovered that i am pretty damn happy with who i am. what i was told needed to be fixed about me, actually, are some of the things that i like the most about myself. the things that make me... me. all of my life my mom has told me to remember who i am. the past few years, i forgot that. i felt like i had to become who someone else wanted me to be. not only was it tiring and frustrating, but it was extremely painful to know that i could not be me and be loved. so since january i have made some changes. big changes. at first it was heart breaking. then so uplifting and freeing. then it got really lonely. now, almost 6 months later, i can't say that things are easy. things are probably harder now than they have been for a while. but i am proud of myself. i am happy with who i am and what i'm learning about myself daily. i am excited about my future. very, very excited about my future! :|]

strength

For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
-Benjamin Button

My To Do List...

In no particular order...

•Make a website for myself... a good one this time... this ain't no school project, this is the real world now
•Get more involved with Children of the Nations (cotni.org)
•Design a tattoo that will eventually (when money grows on trees) go on my arm (I know what it's going to be, but i don't want to tell yet)
•Continue taking pictures, building my portfolio, and educating myself on design and photography
•Share my story with more people, and ask other people about their story
•Continue to be an encourager and advocate for my brilliant, amazing father who has been unemployed for way too long
•Use my love for world missions and design to start, or add to something great

still thinking... will add to this list, and check things off as i can...

Malawi in 30 seconds

Africa

I've been back for over two weeks and still cringe at the thought of trying to put into words what Africa did to me. I tell people I'm still processing when they ask me how it was. I don't know what else to say. I have nearly a thousand pictures that I look at over and over again hoping words will come to me that will help me explain to others how amazing my 14 days in Malawi were.

I've decided my answer is simple. Malawi changed me. (A new phrase i've heard recently from people who traveled to Malawi with me, "gloriously ruined")

How could it not. I saw sunsets, smelt the smoky air, became friends with some of the nicest, most beautiful people. I fumbled around in a pitch dark night to watch falling stars in a sky filled with more lights than I'd ever seen (and as if the night couldn't have gotten any better, there were hippos nearby, grunting all night). I watched orphaned children sing and dance praises to God for "being on their side". I had good, meaningful conversations with new friends. I held babies and danced with children. I saw a lake that looked like an ocean, and got to sit and drink coffee and soak it all in. I hurt for those that were hungry and sick. I was encouraged by ministries like Children of the Nations, Ministry of Hope, World Vision, and African Bible College. I think my mom summed it up best when I called her from New York on our way back. "So, it sounds like you lived", she said.

I did. I lived every day. I soaked in every moment.

It's amazing how long a day is in Malawi, but how fast those same 24 hours go by here in La Mirada, California. I want to live each day, but it's so easy to be lazy. It's easier to be entertained by a movie about Africa, than to go out and be a part of the changes that need to be made in Africa. After a two week trip, it'd be easier to leave Africa in Africa. But I can't do that. I went on this trip knowing that when I returned to America I would be different. I would care about Africa. And I do. In "The Irresistible Revolution", Shane Claiborne says, "Don't let the world steal your soul. Being a Christian is about choosing Jesus and deciding to do something incredibly daring with your life." I want to do that.

There are things that I want to be a part of, there are places that I want to go, and there are people that I want to meet, but I don't know how yet. I don't know how to balance it all. I still have to work and buy groceries and fill my car up with gas and all these things that seem kinda silly to me right now. So I guess I'm trying to figure things out. I guess I'm still processing...

My sister left today for Germany. She will be there for 7 months going to school. See what being an mk will do to you... we are forever travelers... forever gypsies!

24 hours from now...

i'll be awake, jumping on my suitcases to make sure everything fits in. going over the ever-growing check list in my head, and on random sticky notes all over the place, to make sure i have everything i could possibly imagine needing in malawi, africa. i have a feeling i'll get over there and realize i completely overpacked!

if you enjoy living vicariously through other people's experiences then please check out the team's blog that i'll be updating while we're there:

www.wacclovesmalawi.blogspot.com

i'll hopefully check facebook and maybe email once or twice while i'm gone. i'll be back August 15 with tons of pictures and stories to tell.
until then... love,
Lindsay

8 days and counting...

I leave for Malawi in 8 days. We had our last team meeting tonight. I'm completely overloaded with information, stressed out about what to pack, and i just realized I have no idea where my plane ticket is. I'm having a panic attack almost everyday. I didn't used to get so scared about traveling. I think there will come a point where I will relax, it probably just won't happen until I'm on the long flight, listening to Jim Dale read me Harry Potter Book 6 (i know, i'm way behind) on my iPod. I am trying to remind myself of a quote from Bono when he was being interviewed by Bill Hybel, "There's an adventure here. We mustn't describe this stuff as a burden, as a duty. It's really an opportunity, an adventure!"

I'm also trying to remind myself of a good verse in the Bible, Psalm 27:1, "The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?"

thrift stores & fair trade

i am approaching a season of change. i want to be different. i'm trying new things. thinking a lot. and i'm pretty excited about where i'm going with all this. it makes sense in my head, but it's not all quite to the point where it would make sense if i wrote it down. one part i can verbalize is a pretty simple concept. but i bet it'll be harder to live out. i'm wondering if it would be possible for me to purchase only second-hand or fair trade clothing for the next year. i've been hearing and reading a lot about the benefit of fair trade and about how so much of what we buy is made by mistreated women and children in 3rd world countries who are forced to work in awful conditions. i'm not ok with that. but i am lazy. it's so much easier to go to the mall if i need... ok lets be honest, WANT something. but with the economy the way it is, it would save me so much money to shop second hand. and then after hearing todd's message this morning on james 5 i am convinced that spending lots of money on myself is helping no one (there are exceptions... like spending money on therapy for myself and an occasional massage... those are helpful). spending a little money on fair trade items would be helpful to others.

ok, so maybe this isn't that easy of a concept. again, it makes sense in my head. i'm going to keep thinking. but not too much longer because i want to be a do-er, not just a thinker.

july 4th weekend

i learned two new skills this weekend:
how to surf and how to get really cool pictures with sparklers. both very fun.

I will inspire!

For far too long, i have looked to songs, poems, strong coffee, catchy quotes, strokes of paint, sunsets, sweet smells, and sad moments to inspire me. Like lust, inspiration is great, but fleeting. I have described myself on facebook or myspace as someone who is "easily inspired for a moment". I need it, I want it, I have to have it. It's great while it lasts, but i can never get enough of it.

I came home from a good day at work, excited about taking a bubble bath while eating grapes, drinking white wine (i know, they're kinda the same thing... just in different forms), and starting a book that I was actually thrilled about reading. I doubted my ability to read far into this new book. I was, after all, inundated in warm, soapy goodness. It's like trying to read while laying out at the beach. You have great intentions, but it usually lasts like 5 minutes and then you're asleep or uncomfortable in your book reading position, so you lay it down and play with a handful of sand instead. But on this shockingly not so A.D.D. occasion, I read like 60 pages. Jesus and Shane Clairborne explained to me what it's like to live as an 'ordinary radical'. As a generation of christians that have been told everything we are NOT supposed to do, we are struggling to find what we can do... what we can think... who we can be. I was reminded of a very prophetic phrase that my dad told me a few years ago. I was in the middle of a depressing, anxiety driven graphic design program, and was looking for inspiration. After listening to me complain about how hard it is to find inspiration for a project i don't want to do, he simply said, "maybe you shouldn't worry so much about how to become inspired. Maybe it's time you start inspiring others." It's something I'd known for a long time, but hearing him say it was like giving me permission to believe it. He was so right. It's almost like i'm being selfish searching for this 'minute-lasting' inspiration, when i have so much inside me that i can give to others.

So reading this book (it's called The Irresistible Revolution: living as an ordinary radical, btw), even though i'm only 60 pages in, I think i'm becoming aware of what i need to do. I need... i want... i have to inspire. I am an artist with a gut-wrenching passion for the world. I need to tell the world's stories. I want to rip open the glazed eyelids of the jaded individual. I have to inspire if change is going to occur.

By the way... if you are looking for inspiration, there are a few things that God has given to me recently that has totally worked. And i wasn't even searching for it...
Driving with the windows down with a good song on the radio when the sun starts setting
(it works best if you're in southern california :), running into a friend i hadn't seen in 7 years at the grocery store, a great hug from someone who loves me.

Wild Sweet Orange on Letterman

malawi here i come!

I leave for Malawi, Africa in a month from tomorrow! On July 30 I will be going with a team from church to help finish the Pediatric Clinic that WACC has raised money for. It's going to be a crazy adventure! I get nervous and excited every time i think about it!

Dusty and I decided to sponsor a child from Malawi. This is Chikondi. She was born on May 15, 2003. We share the same birthday. She likes music and playing ball. She will probably experience more pain and loss in her life than i can imagine. I pray that God will keep her healthy, will comfort her in hard times, and help her find Him one day.

Seal Beach with Nate & Dorothy

real men wear pink

So remember baby Joy that I wrote about earlier... well HE was born! Two weeks late, along came an unexpected surprise... a boy! Mom, Dad, Grandma (who came from germany with a suitcase full of girl baby clothes), Doctor and nurses were all shocked to see a boy. They had thought it was going to be a girl the whole time. So here they were with no names picked out for a boy and a suitcase full of pink dresses! Nicole and Markus finally decided on Noah Louise. It's both American and German. They are very excited and sure that little Noah will still be secure in his masculinity... despite the slight mix-up. :)

We got to visit Noah, before he had a name. He was only 18 hours old.

Wild Sweet Orange at House of Blues

This band is from Birmingham, Alabama (i think i've mentioned that before). That's how Dusty and I know them. Not only are they really cool guys, but they are also super talented musicians! I have loved them since I heard them play in a warehouse in Birmingham (back when they were Old American Dream) and now they've been on David Letterman! We've seen them play three times in L.A. since we moved out here, and every time, their lyrics haunt me and their sound inspires me! They are living their dream and that makes me so jealous but so happy for them at the same time. So anyway, security at the House of Blues was tighter than at any other concert i've been to. It was stupid. I had to check my camera in at the giftshop, pay 3 bucks, and could not pick it up until i was leaving the place. Stupid. Preston even got us backstage passes and so i told one of the MANY guards that was standing around that I had a Backstage pass and I was going to need my camera... he still said no. stupid. All that to say, the only mode of photography that we had was Dusty's iPhone... which has no flash... so the pics are crap.

Chicago & Willow Creek

I went to an Arts & Worship Conference in Chicago with our worship pastor and his wife, two musicians, and our stage creator. It was an inspiring and creative week! So glad I had the chance to go. I made some cool connections, got some inspiring ideas that i will be able to use at work, and left feeling very confident in where I'm at as a designer. All good things!

Chris Klein & I

Chris is a midfielder for the L.A. Galaxy (he plays with Beckham). He came to speak at our church at a men's event. When all the women heard he was coming, we invited ourselves! :)

The summer is flying by...

Since a picture is worth a thousand words and my free time is priceless, i'm just gonna throw some pictures on here... if you're lucky you'll get a blurb or two...

incase you're not sure who you are... take this test!

i found this while playing on myspace. i was actually very shocked how accurate it was. now just send it to 10 friends and all your dreams will come true... i'm kidding. 

My Personality...